Header Name

Help Line  now closed

Help and support for men and their families who are in, or have been in, an abusive or violent relationship and don't know where to turn for help and advice.    

The Government's Definition of Domestic Violence

Notice the heading, the Government does not use the word 'abuse', but instead the uses the word 'violence'   even for non-physical violence.  This is important, as psychological damage can be far longer lasting and destructive than some physical violence. This is true for both women and men, but there are some differences.  Whereas both genders suffer shame, the shame for a man is worse.  He has been brought up to be a 'man' and men are strong, don't complain, don't cry, are protectors, stiff upper lip ... If he admits that he has been hit by his partner, well, he is not a man, he is likely to be laughed at and be told by other 'real' men how they would not let their partners boss them around, so he keeps quiet.  


Notice also that this only covers 'women and girls' and yet in their definition they state 'regardless of gender'.  


If he is a father, then the violence / abuse continues and often with the help of the Family Court System.  Even though a contact order may be in place, the ex-partner sometimes uses the children as a weapon to inflict more hurt.  Acutally, if the children want to see daddy, they are also being abused, something Social Services and CAFCASS do not often recognise.  


So, not only is the man made to feel 'not a man' by other men for not being able to control his partner, but he is also often not believed in the Family Court and then finds his contact with his children disrupted.  In some cases the ex-partner makes false allegations resulting in contact being suspended until the allegations have been investigated.  But even if found to be false, the damage to the father and the children has been done, who cares!  The supposedly non-caring male cares, but who can he tell?  Where can he go?  What can he do?


He can call Men Have Rights Too, we are here to listen and help.  


The definition of domestic violence will now include young people under 18 and is the latest action by the government to tackle violence against women and girls.  


Any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality. This can encompass but is not limited to the following types of abuse:


Psychological,  Physical,   Sexual,   Financial,   Emotional


Controlling behaviour is: a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour.


Coercive behaviour is: an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim.